FullSizeRender 4Another month goes by and my heart breaks just a little more. I had a simple question that I prayed with hands over my face, tears in my hands. I asked and He answered.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8

Over breakfast, my husband handed me his phone to read Rick Warren’s Daily Hope Devotional on Why We Pray, “Your Will Be Done.”  Warren references Romans 12:2 “…his good, pleasing, and perfect will.” If God’s plan for me is perfect then logic would point that it is better than what I could plan for myself. I get it but my heart still aches.

So I spend a little more time with God today; just the two of us with my prayer journal and iPhone apps. I look over yesterday’s Q&A: Why can’t I have children?

IMG_3726The First5 app buzzes on my phone. This app is a great way to give God your first 5 minutes of the day. There’s a daily devotional set to an alarm clock so you can be with God before you roll out of bed in the morning. I don’t use it daily but do reference it at times like today. Currently the First5 is taking the journey through Genesis and today was about God’s promises to Abraham. Abraham and Sarah were older and childless. God promised them a family and delivered on that promise, in so many ways.

My take away is that God’s plan is perfect, He has a plan for me, and He keeps his promises. But what is the promise to me? I don’t know that it will be children but it’s so hard to give up this hope. I just need to stay steady in faith that whatever it is, it’s greater than I can imagine myself.

Dear God, thank you that you never fail. and your promises never change! Thank you that you always make good on your promises because you are supremely trustworthy! God, I know your will for my life is better than anything I can dream up. I want to give you my life. I want your will done in my life but I still have more questions… In Jesus’s name. Amen.

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On September 21, I’ll start the 8 week study “A Fight for Faith: Imperfect Women of the Bible.” I’m certain that this is part of His perfect timing for me and hopefully I will be given more answers.

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